Tuesday, February 28, 2012
As I have grown older I have noticed that there are those I get to journey with for a brief moment in time whose hearts are inter-twined with the same heartache that I have endured.
You meet as strangers but in one brief moment
your souls are forever etched together.
For most people the month of Feburary is a happy and romantic month after all it is the month of Valentines Day and many have birthdays through out the month filled with happy and cherished moments.
Yet for a few the month of February a grim reminder of a tragic loss.
Actually that applys to any month of the year.
I remember there was a darkened period in my life where I just could not understand how so many could go on smiling and rejoicing, while I sat in the background filled with this unbearable pain and loss.
You see their lives had continued but mine for a brief moment had come to a complete stop
and even now those memories haunt me.
I believe a wise and loving Father allows those painful memories to remain and haunt us so that when He arranges for us to "bump" into one of His children who is fighting the same demon,
our tears mixed with theirs allows a type of healing and allows two hearts to become inter-twined.
A wise friend knowing of the pain I was masking and knowing she could not do anything to help ease it invited me to a Time Out For Woman conference.
The speakers were excellent and the spirit of peace and love sunk deep into ones core. There was on speaker who had everyone in the room in tears.
It was as if he knew personally each and every one of the pains we each had faced.
While he was talking the spirit whispered that I needed to visit with the lady sitting next to me
about my brother.
Now mind you this woman was a complete stranger to me, so me being me,
I started arguing with the spirit on why I could not talk to this woman about my brother.
He persisted and I continued to argue.
When he grew tired of my argument he literally picked up my chair which knocked me to my feet stating
TALK TO HER ABOUT YOUR BROTHER!"
I agreed under protest.
When the speaker finished with his comments I approached the woman and immediately
had her friend come between us protecting her.
I spoke around her friend letting her know that she had no idea who I was but if I could please have a minute of her time there was something I needed to share with her.
She kindly agreed; I shall never forget the doubt in her eyes.
We stepped away from our friends and I blurted out,
"My brother took his own life in Feb 1994 and it is killing me!"
She started sobbing and asked, "how did you know?"
I was shocked, "know what?"
She then shared with me that her only son had just a few weeks prior ended his life
and her friend had brought her to Time out for Women to find some peace.
The tears flowed as we hugged each other and cried over the unexpected loss of those we loved so dearly.
For many years we stayed in touch via cards and notes.
Her last note was sent years ago.
She had just wanted to let me know how much our Father had blessed her
and she was once again enjoying the sunlight.
Today I read the story of another mothers struggle with the decision of her son to end his life.
Though I have never met this remarkable women; my heart aches with her and I rejoice with her that our Father has allowed her to find some peace of mind.
As I read her touching article everything came flooding back as if my brother's death
had just happened yesterday.
The pain in your heart that never goes away and never heals,
which leaves your heart aching and tears flowing.
Like my friend my heart is forever inter-twined with hers.
In my minds eye I see all us "Suicide Survivors" holding hands with our tears flowing freely as we wait our turn to approach our Savior and allow Him to forever wipe away our tears and once and for all heal that piece of our broken hearts,
so that we are no longer haunted.
Then as we turn away from Him, standing behind him will be our loved ones that we will once again be able to hug and hold and our tears will then be tears of joy for like us they too were healed.