Saturday, May 4, 2013

Queens of Insecurity

 A few weeks ago during change of shift a few of my fellow nurses and I started visiting.  I must say I was shocked and amazed at the confession of each of these remarkable ladies about their "insecurities."
One I have worked with before and I have learned so much from her.  I have learned time management skills and how to prioritize.  She is so awesome with the clinical part of our world.  I am a little weak in that area.  As I was sharing with her and the others all that I learned from her, she hung her head and commented.  "I'm not that great."  Then she went on to share with us her insecurities and how she masks it with indifference.
Another nurse who is so kind and gentle then proceeded to visit with us about her insecurities and how they have made her "backwards."  I love this sweet spirited lady but she always looks down when you visit with her.  It is very hard for her to make and maintain eye contact.  She has the most beautiful smile.  My heart was saddened by her sadness and doubt.
Then another with tears in her eyes commented that, "she is a crappy nurse."  I have seen her nursing skills and she has great strengths in her documentation and assessments.  Any one who knows me knows my penmanship skills are lacking.  I really should have went to medical school and became a MD due to not to many are able to read my hand writing; but I am going to get me a Calligraphy set and work on  improving my handwriting.
Shocked at how low these wonderful women that I work with felt, I let them know that I was the queen of insecurities and I masked mine with humor.  They just could not believe it as I could not believe theirs.
As I have been reflecting on that interchange it has taken me back many years when I was the Teacher development Teacher of our Ward.
It was my job to teach teachers how to teach more effectively.
Back then my insecurities were awful.  I literally felt as if I was the black sheep and disgrace of the ward.  I must admit that calling for me was very intimidating.  But I have learned that the Lord "takes our weaknesses and makes them strong."  Did not realize it then but it was during that period I so learned the truth of that promise of His.
With that class I taught everyone in the Ward.  I shall never forget the Matriarchs of the ward coming to my little class and sharing with me that they felt like the "White trash of the ward."
 Wow!  What an eye opener for me.  How could that be?
As I pondered and searched for an answer it came with a picture I found at a local bookstore.
I was shopping for pictures that would tie in with my lessons when this one picture jumped out at me, it was a picture of the Savior holding a little girls face in his great hands.  He was kneeling and looking her right in the eyes as I gazed upon that beautiful image these words ran through my mind, "If only you could see yourself as I see you!"  Then just as quick another thought,
"God does not create junk!
You are my beloved daughter
and your worth is greater than you know!"
That was a very powerful moment for me.
A moment that has forever changed my attitude and how I view others.

I then found myself as I looked at those around me seeing them through the eyes of our Heavenly Father.
What a great blessing which has enriched my life.
AbishOne of my beloved friends took my class and as I watched her I was reminded of a Book of Mormon Story about a remarkable lady called Abish.  Ammon one of my favorite Book of Mormon missionaries had taught the kind of the Lamanites and the King was so overcome he fell to the earth.  As the story goes there is a moment when his whole household is so overcome by the Spirit they all fall to the earth along with Ammon.  Abish who had already been converted was anxious to share this scene with her neighbors but they did not believe and were going to slay Ammon due to the "witchcraft" he had brought to the house.
Abish sorrowful for their hardened hearts reached out and took the Queens hand to awaken her and the Queen immediately stood and seeing the contention she immediately reached for the Kings hand
and he awoke praising God.  
My friend is truly an Abish.

One of our sweet grandmotherly types reminded me of Martha from the New Testament, Martha and Mary.  She is always busy preparing.  But she loves her Savior deeply.

Another reminded me of the Widow in the Old Testament in whom Elijah asked for food and she had no food but was preparing the last of the meal for her and her son so that they could die together but instead she fed the prophet.  Great woman of faith.

Another Elect Lady of Faith in our ward reminds me of Queen Ester in the Old Testament who pleaded for the life of her fellow Israelite's even though it could have cost her her life due to she too was an Israelite.
My list could go on and on.

To all my friends who are "Queens of Insecurities"  know this, You are a remarkable daughter of God.  He has created you with great strengths and weaknesses which He will help make strong because He has a great plan and mission that only you can do.
Always remember He loves you and He does not make mistakes.
Never forget He trusts YOU and He is always near.  Let Him show YOU how He sees YOU.

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