Thursday, June 11, 2015

The Stages of Grief

I am amazed at the stages of grief and how one can bounce from one stage to another throughout a span of time.  There are some incidents that are so painful to deal with that one finds themselves pushing them way down deep into their soul and barricading and locking that forbidden door to ever open.
But then Divine Hands intervene and that forbidden door is gently opened and you find yourself going through all the stages of grief and the tears begin to flow and when all emotion is spent there is a healing that has begun.

There are many causes of grief and there are some griefs that many have no clue what to say or do for the one afflicted. Those griefs are very personal and run very deep within ones soul. With that type of grief one finds that they are a lone traveler on a dreary road passing very few who are also walking that dreary road.

Over my lifetime I have faced many faces of grief and for the most part I have been able to rise above my grief and heal; but there have been two events in my life that my grief was so overwhelming that I buried them deep within my soul with no trespassing signs and do not enter signs placed all around.  These griefs I could not bear to face.

In 2001 Divine Hands gently removed my signs and gently opened one of those painful doors.  Tears flowed and I found myself going through each and every step of the grieving process but then where there once was darkness there was now sunlight gently shining in and a healing started.  Once again those Divine Hands are removing my signs and reaching for the knob to open that painful door I feel for one last time. 
I am finding myself feeling lost and unsure of what is to come when that door is opened.  Will I have the Faith to trust those loving hands as they continue to reach for that forbidden knob.  As a friend who has traveled this lonely desolate road observed, 
"this door dashes all hope." 
I instantly understood and felt the truthfulness of her words as the chilly feeling of hopelessness started to penetrate my already wounded heart.
Then just as quick Elder Ballard's words started running through my mind, 
"No blessing will be denied, let me repeat that: 'NO BLESSING WILL BE DENIED!"

Currently I am feeling a sorrow and loss that is hard to put into words. 
I am truly traveling this lone and desolate road alone.

Some Book of Mormon Prophets stories have been running through my mind.
The first involves the Prophet Nephi.  In his writings he shares how the Lord has shown him the destruction of his "fair and delight some people."  He pours his grief out upon the pages and then closes with his testimony, "I know in whom I have trusted."
Many years later another Book of Mormon Prophet is witnessing the bloody battle which wipes out his people.  He is wounded and his great heart is breaking as he watches the utter destruction of his people.  He too testifies about trusting in the Lord.

At this moment I am not sure why these two prophets stories are flooding my mind but one day I will understand.  
For now I will continue to silently grieve and continue to trust in Him in whom I've trusted and as Hillary Weeks lyrics say, "For Now Just Let Me Cry."

"Just Let Me Cry"


"I believe that everything happens for a reason
We're not just tossed by the wind or left in the hands of fate
But sometimes life sends a storm that's unexpected
And we're forced to face our deepest pain

When I feel the heartache begin to pull me under
I dig my heels in deep and I fight to keep my ground
Still at times the hurt inside grows stronger
And there's nothing I can do but let it out

Just let me cry
I know it's hard to see
But the pain I feel
Isn't going away today
Just let me cry
Till every tear has fallen
Don't ask when and don't ask why
Just let me cry

When I agreed that God could put this heart inside me
I understood that there would be a chance that it would break
But I know He knows exactly how I'm feeling
And I know in time He'll take the pain away
But for now

Just let me cry
I know it's hard to see
But the pain I feel
Isn't going away today
Just let me cry
Till every tear has fallen
Don't ask when and don't ask why
Just let me cry

I have felt joy the kind that makes my heart want to sing
And so my tears are not a surrender
I know I will feel that way again
But for now
For this moment

Just let me cry
I know it's hard to see
But the pain I feel
Isn't going away today
Just let me cry
Till every tear has fallen
Don't ask when and don't ask why
Just let me cry

I believe that everything happens for a reason"

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