With Thanksgiving just a day away I felt that I needed to sit down and share my blessings.
There was a time I loved this time of year.
At Thanksgiving all my family would get together and the love that filled the home we were in would consume me. Oh, how I loved that time; but in 98 that changed.
In 98 I had my beloved poppers at home and he was dying from bone cancer.
The week of Thanksgiving, my mother became very ill and I had to rush her to the ER.
At 3 am our trusted doctor was called in to visit with me. He told me that my mother was very sick and that she probably would not make it through the night.
Words cannot even describe my feelings of helplessness and loss, I remember asking our doctor to "just shoot me now...I can't lose both my parents at one time." He reassured me that I would be fine and for me to focus on my poppers and entrust him with my mom. I have had many say, "Oh, the Lord is just given me to much to handle..." I know that feeling well, I have had many painful moments where "it was much to handle."
When I left the hospital I was scared and unsure but that loyal friend whispered, "all will be well."
Thanksgiving was the worst. I prepared a meal thinking that my poppers and I could share one last meal but he was so sick he could not even drink what I had pureed so that he could eat.
My mother was still at deaths door.
Those days proceeding Thanksgiving were horrible for me, I only share those details with a select few.
Nov 30th my beloved poppers was called home. I was past devastated. My mom slowly started to regain her strength so that I did not lose both my parents that year.
The day my poppers was called home I was emotionally and physically spent.
I felt as if I were going to tumble right over a ledge into a dark and deep abyss with no light in sight.
I know that my Heavenly Father was aware of my condition and though he took me right to edge
He never let me topple over it.
While my mom was here we did special things with special friends and what was left of our family for Thanksgiving, but in 2003 when she was called home that all ended.
Yesterday, I found myself at my vets office, our Fat Boy was not feeling well at all.
Last year he got extremely sick and I had a dream involving him and my poppers.
I knew that he was to special of a dog and that he would not live to be a ripe old age.
I just didn't know how long we had left with him.
As my vet and I were visiting I shared with him how I hated this time of year.
Him knowing my family understood why.
When I got his call my world once again came crashing down around me.
Fat Boy and I went for one last ride with him resting his head against my arm.
He loved being my co pilot.
He got to roll in the grass and play with his favorite ball wagging his tail and looking at me
with his adoring eyes.
He was truly a happy dog.
Time quickly passed and we found ourselves back at my trusted vet who lovingly ended our Zippers suffering. He passed lying beside me with his head on my foot and me rubbing his ears.
My vet then gave me a hug and told me "You have my permission to hate this time of year."
When I got home Lucy Goosie was in the front yard honking at me, Chessie our new kittie that adopted us came running out to greet me rolling on the ground at my feet and jumping at me playing. Our seven ducks were quaking away and Li'l Girl was whinnying, running and bucking.
In the back yard Zipper's kids were rough housing and barking with Pip a Roan an Boomer a Rang waiting at the fence wagging their tales.
Everything seemed normal but in my heart there was a major piece gone.
Our Fat Boy would never again be at the door with his ball in his mouth and his tale a wagging to greet me.
Jobie and Sassy are going to be the only two to greet me now.
I wish I would have posted this blog last week when my heart wasn't breaking.
All my loved ones are on the other side and I miss them so very much.
It is no fun being an orphan especially this time of year.
During the darkness of 98 I found myself crying out to Heavenly Father "why me, this isn't fair..."
Then I heard a loving voice singing these verses to me: