Sunday, February 12, 2017

Step one my 12 step journey

On this beautiful Sabbath,  I strongly felt I needed to go see me beloved Jackpot family
My friend shared with me we were going to have two  passengers with us.
Our two passengers was a lovely shy mother and her daughter.

It was a wonderful Sabbath and my new friend shared with the branch how one simple act of kindness had touched her heart so deeply.
That simple act was a simple wave of a hand, a smile and an excited "Hey how are you?  Good to see you!"

I shared with my friend and new friend what I had learned in my home Branch about a 12 step program the Church had introduced and how I was thinking about doing it.
They were both on board, so I gave my new friend my quad and each of them a copy of the 12 steps and our parting words were "let the journey begin."

As I share my 12 step journey here I am in hopes it will be a testimony to others who are struggling with their own inner struggles.

At they have 12 video stories that follow each step,
I would highly encourage one to check them out and listen to the stories shared.
I tried to paste and copy but I couldn't get the link to work.
In the search box type in "12 steps to change" and they should pop right up for you



Pride and honesty cannot coexist. Pride is an illusion and is an essential element of all addiction. Pride distorts the truth about things as they are, as they have been, and as they will be. It is a major obstacle to your recovery. President Ezra Taft Benson defined pride:
“Pride is a very misunderstood sin. . . .
“Most of us think of pride as self-centeredness, conceit, boastfulness, arrogance, or haughtiness. All of these are elements of the sin, but the heart, or core, is still missing.
“The central feature of pride is enmity—enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen. Enmity means ‘hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.’ It is the power by which Satan wishes to reign over us.
“Pride is essentially competitive in nature. We pit our will against God’s. When we direct our pride toward God, it is in the spirit of ‘my will and not thine be done.’ . . .
“Our will in competition to God’s will allows desires, appetites, and passions to go unbridled (see Alma 38:12; 3 Nephi 12:30).
“The proud cannot accept the authority of God giving direction to their lives (see Helaman 12:6). They pit their perceptions of truth against God’s great knowledge, their abilities versus God’s priesthood power, their accomplishments against His mighty works” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1989, 3–4; or Ensign, May 1989, 4).
As you become willing to abstain and admit the problems you face, 
your pride will gradually be replaced with humility."

All my life I was taught "Honesty is the best policy."
I have always tried my best to be honest with those around me.
But being honest with myself, that was a whole new territory in which I failed miserably.

Over the last year I have been counseled by that sweet inner Spirit called the Holy Ghost that it was time to let go of some baggage I was carrying and turn it all over to the Lord.
I just kept plugging along reminding Him of all the good things that were happening and my baggage was not hindering me in the least bit.
Here and there I would selectively let go of a piece of baggage until it was time to let go of the
 "Final piece."

Displaying .facebook_1486941313593.jpg

I was not willing to let go of that piece, if I let go of that one piece I would become vulnerable with no walls to protect me.
As the year was winding down the Spirit's whisper got stronger but I just kept pushing it aside.

Just a few weeks before the New Year was to begin I found myself in an inner struggle within.
I was wound so tight and for the first time in many years I could not find peace, so me being me I attempted to run.
 Running is so much easier than admitting you were in the wrong.

My running attempt worked for a brief moment until physically and mentally I just melted down.
I remember that moment so clearly.
My mind snapped and I found myself so tired that I could barely stand.
In that moment I heard my inner voice state "I'm done fighting.  I can't do this anymore."
At that moment my weapons of rebellion were buried deep within the earth.

The New Year came and here we are in the second month and to be honest; for the first time in my life I have no plan.  I'm not sure what the future will hold, so I am going one day at a time one step at the time.

I feel as if there has been a heavy load lifted from my shoulders and I am very uneasy about this vulnerability that I now feel but I know in whom I have trusted.

I know those a quote somewhere talking about "To thine own self be true."
One cannot be true to oneself if they are not honest with oneself .

No comments:

Post a Comment