The last few weeks I have not felt like myself at all. Over the years I have had many health issues and some were nightmares to treat and heal. But I was diagnosed with a new health issue in 2019 that has never been resolved due to in 2020 I was diagnosed with breast cancer which usurped it. That journey brought much heartache and survivors guilt along with other health issues which took some years to heal and stabilize myself from. I have listened to many talks where the brethren warn you of the follies of self pity. Alas I found myself starting to spiral down that self pity rabbit hole.
During my pity party I found myself turning to my scriptures and Elder Maxwell who had been a member of the Quorum of the twelve and while serving was battling leukemia. This great scholar understood pain, sacrifice and how to truly become a disciple of Christ. During many a dark times I turned to his teachings and writings. This last week was no different. I found comfort in one of the devotionals he had given at BYU entitled: "In Him All Things Hold Together."
Because of my illness I had taken most the week off work and had promised myself I would try and go back Friday. Little did I know the Spirit was pushing me to be back at work at the little store. My manager was very gracious and upon seeing me encouraged me to take it slow and easy. Which was not a problem because I was moving very slow. It turned out to be a very busy shift which wiped me out but it felt good to be out.
I have been at that little store for almost two years now and have made some amazing new friends. One in particular has won my respect and admiration. My mother used to always tell me, "no matter how bad you think you have it, there is someone out there facing worse." This strong lady is the epitome of her words. She had lost both her children to drug overdoses and she was raising her grandchildren who were left behind. Her quiet strength is inspirational to me. Yesterday I was sharing with her about my husband's cousin reunion coming up in August and she shared with me that her family "did not have reunions" due to the different religious denominations within her family and an atheist. She shared with me three denominations and that she had been baptized in all three and how she was still according to a religious family member "going to hell." I replied, "Your not going to hell." and then told her to introduce me and all the hatred and anger would be turned on me cause I was one of those "darn Mormons, who was for sure going to hell." She smiled as I then told her, "I know of only one judge and that great judge has not come and anointed anyone who has the right to tell someone their going to hell. We talked a bit more and she commented that she had no need of any religion due to she had witnessed it first hand destroy her family. My heart was immediately stretched out to her as I shared with her that yes, I was a Latter-Day Saint but my husband did not want "mormon tattooed on his ass." To that her grin widened and I sensed her questioning mind on how we made it work. I hope one day we can sit down and I can let her know that our Father in Heaven never willed that families be destroyed in His name and that was not in His teachings in the Bible or any other scripture.
On my way home the Christian radio station I listen to had a female comic who was sharing her family experience. She was the daughter of a pastor who was manic depressive. She had three sisters who they lost to death in their twenties. She was the poster child of dysfunctional family. She shared how her father was one man on Sundays and then a totally different man Mon-Fri. Sadly, I have seen many Latter-Day Saints act one way on Sunday and then totally different Mon-Fri. She shared how there was a medication available that would have helped her father but his "congregation" felt that medication would interfere with her father's faith and "God's miraculous healing power." and they threatened to have him removed as their pastor if he took any kind of medication. At that moment my heart was stretched out to this voice on the radio. Our own beloved Prophet was a heart surgeon and many of the brethren have needed medical assistance and have been healed because the Lord had inspired good men and women to go into the medical field so that they could help His children when Faith alone was not enough. She then shared that her childhood sweetheart whom she married turned into an alcoholic and she witnessed his slow and painful death. She has an estranged daughter with a grandchild she has not been allowed to see. But yet this strong woman quoted a song she had learned as a child. I wish I could find the song the wording was so beautiful it was something about the Lord holding her and counting every hair upon her head and then he placed her in her mothers womb and her great worth to Him. She had closed with that beautiful lyric on how in one paragraph she would describe herself.
Then to top of my long day I visited with a sweet young lady who has been diagnosed with colon cancer. Her journey is just beginning but she is in good hands due to she is under the care of my beloved Huntsman team. I think my Heavenly Father made His point that my self anointed pity party was in vain and how I still had some good works to do. Earlier in the day I had copied and pasted a part of Elder Maxwell's talk concerning "eternal" traits that helped one become more Christ like:
"1. Meek and humble—not self-concerned, dismissive, proud, seeking ascendancy. Blessed are the meek because they are not easily offended. Besides, those who “shine as lights in the world” have no need to seek the spotlight! (See Philippians 2:15.) The world’s spotlights are not only fleeting, but they employ inferior light!
2. Patient—not hectic, hurried, pushy.
3. Full of love—not demanding, dominating, manipulative, condescending, or harsh.
4. Gentle—not coarse, brusque, and vindictive.
5. Easily entreated—not unapproachable, inaccessible, and nonlistening.
6. Long-suffering—not impatient, disinterested, curt, easily offended. There are so many people in the Church, brothers and sisters, waiting to be offended. And it doesn’t take long. If one has a chip on his or her shoulder, you can’t make it through the foyer, so to speak, without getting it knocked off.
7. Submissive to God—not resistant to the Spirit, counsel, and life’s lessons.
8. Temperate (self-restrained)—not egoistic, eager for attention and recognition, or too talkative. In your life and mine, the great moments of commendation and correction have come usually in one-liners.
9. Merciful—not judgmental and unforgiving. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall know the caress of causality as their forgiving mercy restores others to wholeness! Though God is perfected in the attributes of justice and mercy, we read that, finally, “Mercy overpowereth justice” (Alma 34:15).
10. Gracious—not tactless, easily irritated, ungenerous.
11. Holy—not worldly."
In the craziness of our world it is so easy to forget what truly matters. Elder Maxwell opened his talk with this paragraph, "I wish to talk about your unfinished journey. It is the journey of journeys and will be described quite differently this Easter night. It is an arduous journey. The trek awaits--whether one is rich or poor, short or tall, thin or fat, white or brown, old or young, shy or bold, married or single, a prodigal or an ever faithful. Compared to this journey, all other treks are but a brief walk in a mortal park or are merely time on telestial treadmill. Your journey is embodied in an invitation from the resurrected Lord, who himself inquired 'What manner of men {and women} ought ye be?' Then he directed, 'Verily, I say unto you, even as I am." (3 Nephi 27:27)
This journey is an "arduous journey" but this mortal journey is to teach us to become "more Savior like thee." How grateful I am that my own personal journey though it has been strewn with thorns has been teaching me the Christlike portable traits that will continue with me in my journey back to my beloved heavenly home.
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