I love the beauty of Florida it is such a welcome change from the dry desert I call home.
A friend shared with me a thought on seasonal depression today, since
returning home from Florida I have found myself falling into a moderate depression.
I use to love fall but since becoming an orphan it has become a depressing time for me.
Since I hurt my back I have had to depend on friends to take me to appts
One day a friend came and picked me up and as we were traveling she asked me if I had listened to President's Uchdorf's talk about the three sisters. I told her I had and she responded, "your the sister that sings. I hope I'm the sister that sings."
I shared with her that another friend and I had been talking about his talk and I had shared with her that I use to be the sister that sang but now I felt like the depressed and angry sister who didn't know how to sing.
As I read President Uchdorf's talk on the first sister he commented that she found herself as the "victim."
One of his counsels that jumped out to me was "...you have unique gifts that originated in your spiritual creation and that were developed during the vast span of your premortal life."
I was visiting with my old relief society president that called me to be the enrichment leader last year and as we were visiting she gave me a high five and stated "we did good last year."
I have to admit that we did do good.
I lay it all to the "Unique gifts that I have been developing" and good friends who shared their talents to help me succeed.
What I took away from his counsel about the angry sister was this "We are responsible for our own discipleship and it has little--if anything--to do with the way others treat us...our love for them is independent of their feelings towards us."
I have been trying to focus on my personal discipleship and letting go of what people think of me and no matter what I am trying to love all the way the Savior loves me.
It has not been easy but I continue to try.
Now to the third sister, I remember always having a song in my heart and a smile on my face but since becoming an orphan it has been harder and harder for me to keep that song in my heart and smile on my face.
I have been blessed with the most amazing friends who are my family but when the darkness starts to creep into my soul I struggle even reaching out to them.
As one friend shared with me "we're isolaters."
I don't think my friend and I are the only ones who isolate I believe there are many when they are feeling down they isolate and let the darkness fill their soul with despair and hopelessness.
I love President Uchdorf's words where he spoke about the tree of life and the journey to get there.
He shared counsel on finding refuge in the "wonderful organizations of the church...they are a safe home, where you can feel a sense of belonging and receive encouragement from your sisters and fellow disciples."
Sadly, Relief society has not been a safe refuge for me.
For one year, last year I felt a sense of belonging because my Relief Society president offered 100% of her support and encouraged me to fly. I knew she loved and trusted me and I thrived under her.
But she has been released and I am once again avoiding relief society.
I have been pondering Elder Bednar's new book One by One. I so get that.
The last few years of my journey there has been the one.
That beloved Relief society President saw me as that one and reached out to me and gave me a chance to grow.
I am eternally grateful for her and oh how I love her.
One of my adversities since injuring my back is I have had to reach out to friends for a ride to appts.
I was getting ready to text a trusted friend to see if she could give me a ride when the spirit whispered that I needed to give one of my visiting teachers a chance.
The woman that came to mind is a very kind and humble woman who always compliments me.
She is truly a remarkable woman. I come to find that out by letting her in.
What a joy and blessing the short time we have spent together has been.
It has brought some sunshine into my soul.
She is truly my Sister.
For now I am going to learn to love the sisters in my branch one by one as the spirit directs and hopefully one day the relief society will be a refuge and sisterhood for me.
But for now I am going to reach out to my trusted friends and keep them in the loop when I start feeling blue. (I promised one I would so I guess I better start) and to all the other isolater's don't be afraid to reach out to that one friend who truly gets you, your Heavenly Father.
I know because He has gotten an earful from me these past few weeks and you know what He does get it and sends a little extra tender loving care.
In closing I leave you with President Uchdorf's inspired words "The song of true discipleship may sound off-key or even a little loud to some. Since the beginning of time, this has been so.
But to our Heavenly Father and to those who love and honor Him, it is the most precious and beautiful song..."