Here I am sitting quietly in my room reading my scriptures and listening to my music that soothes my soul. Alas another Mother's Day is here and I still prefer to stay home and reflect. I just don't have it in me for a "Mother's Day" program.
This April I drove myself to Nauvoo and other church sites. It was an amazing experience that opened my eyes and touched me deeply. Not knowing radio stations I found myself listening to Elder Hollands newest book "Our Day Star Rising." I listened to it three times and now that I'm home, I am reading it.
I have always admired Lucy Mack and Emma Smith but as I found myself standing in Lucy's house in Nauvoo I was overwhelmed with love and admiration for this great mother. She was truly loved by all those around her and what an inspirational woman. I then found myself at Haun's mill where so many Saints were slaughtered. At their memorial I found an original wheel and two headstones. One with the names of those who were murdered and the other of the woman who survived the massacre. At the top in bold print it stated, "They never lost their faith and they never fell away." What remarkable woman.
I spent two days in the Nauvoo temple and you could say "my eyes of understanding were opened..." As I felt those inspirational pioneer spirits all around me I kept hearing, "They were endowed with power from on high." One would wonder how after losing everything and being chased from their homes they would keep their faith. Within those hallowed walls I found my answer.
I attended an activity with a friend where a sister who had just returned from Africa was sharing her experiences with her beloved African Saints. She commented that they had a "Circle of Sisterhood." In which when one of their sisters were struggling they would surround that sister, uplift, encourage and cry with her. There were no judgements, no criticisms, just unconditional love and support. They exuded the pure Love of Christ. Lucy Mack Smith, Emma Smith and those early pioneer women who first started the "Women's organization aka The Relief Society." Came into my mind along with the Prophet Joseph's counsel for these valiant sisters:
"All difficulties which might and would cross our way must be surmounted, though the soul be tried, the heart faint, and hands hang down. Must not retrace our steps; there must be decision of character, aside from sympathy. When instructed, we must obey that voice, observe the laws of the kingdom of God,17 that the blessing of Heaven may rest down upon us. All must act in concert, or nothing can be done, and should move according to the ancient priesthood; hence the saints should be a select people,18 separate from all the evils of the world—choice, virtuous, and holy. The Lord was going to make of the Church of Jesus Christ a kingdom of priests, a holy people, a chosen generation, as in Enoch’s day, having all the gifts as illustrated to the church in Paul’s epistles and teachings to the churches in his day19—that it is the privilege of each member to live long and enjoy health. He then blessed the saints.”20
Our little branch had a activity in which we wanted to honor Sisters and womanhood due to families and women are being attacked at every angle. During our conversations I found myself reflecting on Elder Hollands words in regards to the parable of the householder. For many years I had found myself bitter and envious of woman who had given birth and had the remarkable blessing of having children. It has been a struggle for me and many like me. As I was reading Elder Hollands words, I gained a new insight. In this parable workers are called throughout the day and at the end of the day those who only labored for an hour received a penny same as those who had labored for many hours. Seeing that the last laborers had been paid the same as those who had labored all day there was some grumbling. I am guilty of grumbling and murmuring. Elder Holland had this inspirational insight: "It is with that reading of the story that I feel the grumbling of the first labors must be seen. As the householder in the parable tells them...'My friends, I am not being unfair to you. You agreed on the wage for the day, a good wage. You were happy to get the work, and I am very happy with the way you served. You are paid in full. Take your pay and enjoy the blessing. As for the others, surely I am free to do what I like with my own money.' Then this piercing question to anyone then or now who needs to hear it: 'Why should you be jealous because I choose to be kind?' Brothers and sisters, there are going to be times in our lives when someone else gets an unexpected blessing or receives some special recognition. May I plead with us not to be hurt--and certainly not to feel diminished when someone else gets added upon. We are not in a race against each other to see who is the wealthiest, the most talented or the most beautiful or even the most blessed. The race we are really in is the race against sin, and surely envy is one of the most universal of those. Furthermore, envy is a mistake that just keeps giving." (Ouch.)
At our activity a dear sister asked, "How many of you here dislike Mother's Day?" I was surprised at the hands that went up. One sister was unable to have the family she yearned for, one sister lost her mother when her mother was my current age 57 in an unexpected accident. I found my heart aching for these beloved sisters and then realized that I had a severe case of tunnel vision and had felt diminished during my years of anger. Our beloved Savior has counseled us to "mourn with those who mourn." Because of my tunnel vision instead of mourning with my beloved sisters who I perceived had been "most blessed" I had been throwing stones. My thoughts then turned to Emma who faced heartbreak upon heartbreak, yet she still opened her heart to her sisters in need.
In my studies today with Elder Holland I found myself in James and throughout the reading I was directed to scripture upon scripture that stated in black and white: "And if you keep my commandments and endure to the end you shall have eternal life which gift is the greatest of all the gifts of God."
It is so easy to get caught up in what feels like "unfairness" during our mortal journey. But again and again in black an white we are assured that "Our God is fair and just God." This mortal journey is just that a journey. The best is yet to come.
How grateful I am for a Heavenly Friend who meets me where I am and teaches me line upon line and precept upon precept. I am in hopes that with my new insight I will go forward with faith and let envy go as I strive to be more like my Heavenly Best Friend.
