Over the last few months I have found myself reflecting on our seasons in life. Our seasons are constantly changing.
Over the years I have learned that I have had seasons where I have had the great joy of journeying with friends but then the season changed and I found myself on a new journey where I was meeting new people and new adventures.
I now am finding myself in a season that is filled with some loneliness and having to relearn who I truly am.
As our seasons have changed those I called friends are now in a season of enjoying their families and extended families aka grand babies. Many year ago in an English class I wrote an essay entitled: "The Joy of being Untraditional." Unlike most my friends I came from a very "non traditional family" whom I love with all my being but causes most headaches as they try and put the pieces of my complicated family tree together. Being surrounded by my nontraditional family brought me my greatest joy and greatest sorrow but alas they were called back to their heavenly home many years ago leaving me here as an orphan for a season.
Many of my friends marriages sadily ended in divorce leaving them in a season of great sorrow; but some of my friends have found their soulmate to speak and are enjoying each others company. We just celebrated our 38th year of marriage this year. (Cough, cough, I'm still in shock that I'm that old :)) During that 38 years we have had joys and much sorrow but we stuck it out. But right now in this season my spouse is gone 1 to 3 months at a time with his work. Which causes a loneliness that is hard to fill.
While my friends are enjoying their families and grandbabies, my heart yearns for my family and I enjoy our four legged kiddos. In 2020 a friend sent me a text asking me if I would take small pup that had been dumped. From the moment I seen his happy face I knew he was mine and sure enough he also knew he was destined to be mine. He continue to have his happy face and is constantly showering me with his unconditional love. But there is still a loneliness and heartache that even this sweet boy cannot totally fill.
In Ecclesiastes chapter three there are these verses:
"To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted...A time to heal, a time to break down and a time to build up. A time to weep, and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance...A time to get and a time to lose, a time to keep and a time to cast away; a time to keep silence and a time to speak; a time to love...and a time of peace."
I have been hit with a new season which appears to be multiple seasons in which I am finding myself in a time to mourn, a time to lose and a time to weep.
I had a wonderful 14 year season in which I thought I had found my true place to belong but as I mentioned earlier seasons continue to change. This wonderful place where I had found so much joy and accomplishment was changing and I was unable to change to change with it and so I found myself closing that door and by so doing have found myself struggling with insecurities and who am I now?
While scrolling through my facebook feed I came across a video where Elder Maxwell was talking about how the Lord did not care about our PHD's, how much money we made...He only wanted Us to return to Him. I tried to find that talk but have been unsuccessful. But it was a gentle reminder to me that even though I am now struggling with being just plain ole me, no title, no certificates or degrees just plain ole me that plain ole me is all our Father in Heaven wants. He wants me back home with Him and my family.
Because of my Nontraditional family I have felt like an outsider my entire life and just wanted more than anything to "be normal" (which what is normal anymore?" Now realizing that I will never be "normal" according to other standards I have come to know that through all my darkest moments the one constant friend I had who has never left my side through any season was My Father in Heaven. Like President Hinckley I testify that, "He is my Savior, My exemplar, My Mentor...He is my Best Friend and I love Him with all my heart and soul."
Though for now this new season is a great season of change I also know that with my best friends by my side I will pull through this season hopefully refined and better than I was before.
