Loving Ourselves

 I had the privilege  of  spending some quality time in the Sacred Grove.  It was amazing!!!!!!  The atmosphere there sunk deep in to my heart and deep down it has changed me.

Upon returning home I have been reflecting on the second commandment:  "Love thy neighbor as thyself."  I listened to General Conference and found so many of the talks were based on "Christ like love, and becoming more Christ like."  As I have been reflecting on all the above I recently had a light bulb moment.  How can you love your neighbor as yourself if you do not truly love yourself?

I shared this insight with a friend and we both started thinking about the truthfulness of my light bulb moment.  I have been on a wonderful journey for over 20 some years and each year I am learning and growing but the last couple years I have felt that there is one thing the Lord really would like me to learn but as the Parable of the Crystal Stair Case points out I am holding on to some baggage that I just don't want to let go off.  I know in my heart if I would let go of that baggage a whole new wonderful world would open up to me but here I am stubbornly holding on and stomping my foot.

Like many woman I have met and interacted with over the years I have realized that many of us do not truly love ourselves.  We are critical of ourselves we're to fat, to short, not pretty, have ugly faces, hate our hair the list could go on and on.  As I listen I am saddened by their false insights of who they feel they are.  Looking at them I see a beautiful daughter that our Father in Heaven created and gave  amazing talents which so many are not aware of;  But then I'll start listing my faults of where I fall short.  

When I was younger I hated my hair it was thick and I would get headaches and nose bleeds.  Then to top it off I was born a Burnette when everyone knew blondes had all the fun.  Now in my late fifties with silver white hair I am joking that for the first time in my life I am in style because kids are paying big bucks to get my hair color and I'm al natural.  I have received many compliments on my hair and how people wished they had "all my hair."  A wonderful blessing which our Father in Heaven blessed me with but has taken years for me to appreciate and love.

My mother being my mother whom I love dearly was always critical of my weight maybe because she also had been overweight.  Like many woman I strove for that "Perfect weight."  (Which I never did find because I was always considered overweight due to I was never a size 2)  For a moment in my teen years I found a weight I was happy with and I worked out to maintain that weight but even then I had moments I felt I needed to lose more.  Then as I aged and health aliments hit I found my weight ballooning.  I cannot work out like I use to due to physical limitations and I do occasionally emotionally eat.  (that is another post)  but I'm coming to peace that even though I am overweight, my heart is in good condition, I do not have diabetes or other health aliments and for my age I am pretty healthy.  A tender mercy from  our Father in Heaven in which I am still learning to embrace.  I'm trying to watch my diet so I can shed a few pounds and I walk and bike for some exercise.  But here is one area where I do not truly love myself.

We as women love to gossip.  I have heard this saying so many times, "Woman are like hens in a  henhouse."  Ever since Elder Uchdorf gave his talk on gossip and his pearl of "stop it!"  I have been trying to stay out of the hen house so to speak but as a friend shared with me, "I hate the whisperings because I know their talking about me."  Michael S Wilcox's book concerning questions the Savior asked came into my mind "what is that to ye...."  He started off the story about us all wanting to be in everybody's business when as the Savior pointed out, it's none of our business.  It is between Him and them.  So, I shared with my friend that insight and why should she care.  It just showed their ignorance and in the grand scheme what did it matter to her, after all they aren't a friend and who would want friends like that anyway.  I then ended with after all you have me lol.  

My friend knows I struggle with that also but I am daily trying to change my perception.  We all want to fit in and be a part.  I spent most my life trying to become who my peers wanted me to be just to fit in but it caused many issues, heartaches and self loathing.

Maybe because I am now officially middle aged and with the help of a loving Heavenly Father trying to become comfortable and love the person He created me to be.  I know I have a ways to go but each day as I strive to love my neighbor as myself.  I am learning to love myself a little more.  After Heavenly Father does not make mistakes and all His creations are beautiful.

In closing I wanted to share these lyrics from Mercy River "Beautiful for Me:"

BEAUTIFUL FOR ME

(Nichole Nordeman)

Every girl young and old has to face her own reflection

Twirl around, stare it down

What’s the mirror gonna say

With some luck, you’ll measure up

But you might not hold a candle to the rest

“Is that your best?” says the mirror the mess

But there’s a whisper in the noise

Can you hear a little voice and He says

 

Has anybody told you you’re beautiful?

You might agree if you could see what I see, oh

‘Cuz everything about you is incredible

You should have seen me smile the day that I made you

Beautiful for me

 

If it’s true beauty lies in the eye of the beholder

I want my life and what’s inside

To give Him something to behold

I want a heart that’s captivating

I wanna hear my Father saying...

 

Has anybody told you you’re beautiful?

You might agree if you could see what I see, oh

‘Cuz everything about you is incredible

You should have seen me smile the day that I made you

Beautiful for me

 

Close your eyes

Look inside

Let me see the you that you’ve been trying to hide

Long ago, I made you so very beautiful

So I ought to know you’re beautiful

 

Has anybody told you you’re beautiful?

You might agree if you could see what I see, oh

‘Cuz everything about you is incredible

You should have seen me smile the day that I made you

Beautiful for me

You’re so beautiful

Beautiful for me

So beautiful for me

Has anybody told you?